Rockstars

"I have condoms, will you have sex with me?"

Women don't ask me this question nearly as much as I would like, however I had the good fortune to hear it asked of someone else just yesterday. Yesterday, at a free Pepper concert in the Volcom store in Santa Barbara, a beautiful, questionably 18 year old girl walked up to the guitarist and lead singer and asked him "Will you sign my poster?"

Alright, that's pretty innocent. Her next move was to lean her leg up against mine while I sat on the stage and ask him to sign her leg. Her smooth, tan, dear God please let me fuck this girl leg. The guitarist obviously obliged, and moved on to sign the back of my shirt. BUT, while he was signing my shirt, this girl came back for one more request and said, and I quote, "I have condoms, will you have sex with me?"

Pepper

Like i said, I really don't hear this question enough. If I asked a girl this, I would get a face full of pepperspray plus a possible 6 month stint getting my asshole pounded by a mongoloid who calls me "Cream of Meat". I know for a fact this girl would slap any guy who asked her the same question, but she was enamored enough with this guitarist to straight out ask him in front of other people if he would bend her over backwards and fuck her like she was 7 again. I got to thinking, just how much power does being a rockstar really give you? They're not able to successfully promote political agendas (unless you're Bono, and like I've said before, that man needs a stake through his skull), they're not necessarily that rich, and most have no freedom to do anything other than travel and perform. I have to say though, the power to play you're guitar and have a beautiful girl offer herself to you is better than any other power I can think of.

That made me realize, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (president of Iran in case you're retarded) isn't pissed off because America is killing his people or because America treats him like they would a petulant child with the potential to nuke Jerusalem, it's because he isn't getting enough free pussy. Every powerful man in history only took the job because he thought he'd get some free power-pussy out of it, but in today's heavily cultured world, the political leaders are losing the free pussy battle to the rockstars. Every great ruler in history did a good job because he was being satisfied under his desk while he was making decisions. Julius Caesar had three wives, was fucking the Queens of Egypt and Mauretania, and was nailing his best friend Brutus' mom (Little known fact, that's probably why Brutus betrayed him). Fast-forward to now, we all know about Bill Clinton's love life, and he was a great leader. JFK was fucking Marilyn Monroe, and Abraham Lincoln had a taste for the whores.

With this knowledge, how can people still expect kids to try in school or pursue higher education? I know that my drive to achieve in college is pretty hard to maintain, considering that I could just take up smoking pot and walking around LA with an unbuttoned shirt and my guitar. Which would really make me happier? Do I hope for the deferred gratification of a good job with a good salary and a hot gold-digging trophy wife, or do I go for the spontaneous gratification of skanks craving my manly phallus because of my mediocre guitar-playing skills?

Seems like an easy answer to me. Why am I even still writing this blog? Why did this blog have so many question marks? Why does the bible trace David's lineage to Joseph if Joseph wasn't really Jesus' dad? Why do I get a boner when I watch Spongebob Squarepants? Fuck this, I don't even know what I'm saying. This blog sucks and you may hate me for it, but I won't care when you're blowing me for playing you some shitty cookie-cutter lovesong.

-Marcus