Banana Boat: Big Business Bigotry

Uno, dos, tres, catorce. Shut up Bono. Please, for the love of God, die.

Now that I've got that off my chest, I'd like to bring to light one of the most abbhorable yet least noticed examples of racism in America today: Banana Boat sun products. For years this company has waged war on racial equality by using science to keep the whites white and make the darkies darker. Everybody knows that only white people use sunblock, which keeps them white and challenges the sun's campaign to make them more 'color neutral'. In the same way Banana Boat is working to keep whites white, they are making the dark-skinned even darker. Only people with already tan skin use sun-"tan" lotion, which is making them darker every year and moving the world closer and closer, shade by shade, to a world defined by just two races: black and white.

Perhaps the most offensive part of this campaign against racial equality is its focus on children. Gone are the days when kids were taught from an early age to discriminate, right? Wrong. Here's your proof:

BABY SUNBLOCK!!!!!!!

(I expect royalty checks, Hairproducts.com)

Proof positive that corporate America is breeding racism, in the same way John Mellencamp breeds hatred of John Mellencamp every time he sings.

Now please don't think that Banana Boat is the only company guilty of these offensive behaviors. Countless other companies have taken up the racism cross since the government dropped it in the 70's. Bullfrog, Neutrogena, Coppertone. The only reason I chose to call out Banana Boat is because I enjoy alliteration. I used alliteration because I like alliteration, even thought I know it has a tendency to rapidly repel regular readers........Shit.

Much like the great Stephen Colbert, I am racially colorblind. However, unlike Stephen, when I hear someone speaking poor English I recognize them as black. I love and embrace other races' charming inadequacies, and for this reason I am sickened by the sun product market's lack of tolerance and their perpetuation of differences in skin color.

-Marcus