I'm Better Than You

My name is Marcus Moreno, I am a member of the Flying Moreno Brothers, and yes, I absolutely am better than you. In my relatively short 19 years of life, I have accomplished more than a regular man can in 5 lifetimes. I've climbed Everest, seen the spectacular ruins of Macchu Pichu, and killed a lion with my bare hands. I've entertained the Queen of England on 3 separate occasions, each time with a virtuosic performance on a different instrument. I'm fluent in 11 languages, I've made love to beautiful women in 16 countries, I've been accepted to Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, and I ended a 30 year old war between Botswana and Zambia. I invented the cure for Polio and gave acting lessons to Brad Pitt. I invented the term "Dirty Sanchez" and popularized the use of the word "Fuck" in everyday conversation. I've won the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee, run with the bulls in Spain, and travelled to space with the NASA Young Astronauts program. I've written 4 bestselling novels, eaten mountain goat feces, and stapled my thumb to my ear twice. I coached the 2005 Japanese little league baseball team to a little league world series championship, was charged with 19 DUI's in the summer of '93 (I was 4), and received an honorary Heisman from the NCAA.

One thing I have not done, however, is write a blog. If this blog written by myself and my equally God-like brother is anywhere as incredible as our lives have been, prepare to have your mental cherry's popped by our penis-like wit and insight. I promise to shove my fist of justice into the vagina of tyranny, and money-shot my comedy right into the face of every sad soul looking for the slightest glimmer of light in their dark, depressing lives. If you are reading this, count yourself blessed. Not by God, but by me for sharing a little bit of my revolutionary mind with you. Thank you for reading, and WATCH THE FUCK OUT for the Flying Moreno Brothers.